The Happy Poet

In my Modern Short Story class, we were talking about "The Fall of the House of Usher" by Poe today. While there, we were commenting about how dark and depressing it was. When someone said this, another student piped up with, "Does anybody else wonder what their writing would be like if they had some kind of Prozac or some shit?" We then all realized that we had indeed wondered about such a scenario. After laughing at the fact that we are all losers, I decided to write a story about it. Here is part one of "The Happy Poet."



I gazed around in awe at the expansive forest surrounding me. I felt privileged that I was able to travel back and see these sights that no other human has laid eyes upon.

I'm just kidding. I thought at first that it would be fun to go back in time. I knew that I would love to see dinosaurs. Maybe have some kind of adventure! Wouldn't that be grand?

I could just picture it now, dodging swooping pterodactyls, running from a tyrannosaurus rex, fighting with a large, saber-toothed cat. Oh, the glory! The fame! It would be magical.

At least, that's what I thought when I began this time trip vacation. Now, I'm just stuck here. There are no dinosaurs and we're only allowed to stay in a cramped time machine.

The tour guides have been driving us around for what felt like an eternity. However, they showed us nothing of interest. I glanced over at my friend, Sara, and saw that she appeared just as bored as I.

She looked at me and started to whisper something. I motioned for her to wait a moment as I leaned across the lap of the obese man sitting in between us.

"I wish they would at least show us dinosaurs from afar," she whispered to me.

"I know! This trip has been such a drag," I whispered back.

"When we get back, we should go for ice cream."

"I don't want ice cream, I..."

Our conversation was cut short by the boulder with arms and legs between us glaring down and clearing his throat. Silently, we sat up and looked out our respective windows. It was really hard for me to fight the urge to tell this man that we wouldn't have to lean over him if he would have just let us sit together in the first place.

As I just sat there, staring at the leaves and trees passing by, an idea played with my fancies. I should have realized it would not end well at the time it occurred (most of my "brilliant" ideas end up blowing up in my face), but I really thought it would be an awesome project. I anxiously, but patiently awaited the end of the time travel trip from hell.

When we were finally back home (and Sara and I had managed to untangle ourselves from the fat man going for chicken), I decided to ask Sara to help me.

Sara has always been my accomplice and probably will be until the end of time. I made a mental note to travel to the end of time one of these days to see if we were still cohorts before walking up and tapping her.

"While I was on that trip, I had an idea."

I watched as her eyes rolled. She knew what usually happened when I gave her those last four words.

"What is it this time? Are we going to fill the air mattresses with cotton candy so it feels like we're sleeping on clouds?"

"Nope. Done that. Surprisingly hard to get inside and then increasingly difficult to clean up. No, something bigger!"

"Filling the school cafeteria with pudding so we can exercise and eat at the same time?"

"Nope."

"Setting the guinea pigs in the science labs free so they can have a normal life?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Putting soap in the fish bowl to clean the water without taking the fish out?"

"Come on, I did that when I was four. Keep trying."

"Having a sno-cone fight because all the snow outside melted and the kids wanted to do something fun?"

"Nope."

"Hooking yourself to a chair with balloons tied all over it to float away?"

I shook my head.

"Repelling down the slide, pushing everyone out of the way, while screaming that you're practicing for Mount Everest?"

I again shook my head.

"Are you ever going to tell me?"

"One more guess."

"Fine. Um...Feeding M&M's to your dog because he looks sad?"

I bowed my head slightly.

"Poor, poor Rowdy. He never was the same after I tried that, you know?"

"I know. But you promised you would tell me."

"I did no such thing."

"Then, I'm leaving. I'll see you later."

I watched as she turned and walked away before I bit my lip and yelled, "Wait!"

I ran to catch up and she looked at me.

"Yes?"

"I'll tell you what my idea was," I stated proudly.

"Then shoot," she replied.

I looked at her and then I looked around us. The street seemed deserted. This would be the perfect time to explain my intentions. I turned back to her.

"Ok, but let's go get pizza. This may take awhile."

Upon reaching our favorite pizza joint, we received our food and sat at a table in a corner. We laughed and joked while watching all the patrons, making sure none of them were eavesdropping. When we were sure the coast was clear, I turned my attention to the problem at hand.

"I want to break into the time travel agency."

"What? Why? Those trips were so boring!"

"Exactly. That's why we have to break in. We have to get a time machine and travel back by ourselves."

"Do you know the trouble we could get in? Not to mention if we mess with time, we could mess up the future!"

"I had the best intentions at heart. Will you please hear me out?"

"Fine. But we can't kill off the dinosaurs."

I smiled.

"They all died anyway. What makes you so sure we didn't happen to them?"

Her face paled.

"Trisha, please, don't go mess with the dinosaurs."

I smiled again.

"Don't worry. I wasn't going to play with the dinos."

She sighed.

"We're going to go back and meet Poe and Hawthorne."

"What?!"

I grinned and repeated, "I want to go to Poe and Hawthorne's times. I want to see what life was like. We can go to the costume store, if you would like. Then, we could blend in. However, that isn't the best part!"

"Oh God, you mean there's more to this?"

"Yeah! You know how all their work is depressing and dark?"

"I..."

Before she could go on, I cut her off.

"I plan on taking anti-depressants with me. If I give them Prozac, what do you think will happen?! I think it will be amazing!"

"There really is no talking you out of this one, is there?"

"Nope."

"Then, I guess I have no choice."

That, my friends, is how it all began.

"I don't want ice cream, I..."


We both do this pretty commonly but S.O.B. at the college told me you have to say like "so and so trailed off" or some B.S. like that. I don't remember why but I do remember her saying that when your dialogue trails off you have to do that.

Either way, still love this story! lol

In all honesty, Kie, I must admit that I did that on purpose. My English teacher at the college had a hissy fit about that same topic. So, in every paper I turned in, I made sure to do it. You have to understand, though. This is the only teacher I EVER had who would sit down and count words. We had to turn in a 100 word paper and I had points taken off because I had 99 words. Another guy sitting near me had the same number of points taken off because he had 101 words. Just goes to show that you can't please some people and I guess that was my way of subtly telling him that.

You're a terrible person Ki. Terrible. LMAO jkjkjk!

You've known me for HOW LONG and you're just now figuring this out?!

20 years and counting Sugar, 20 years and counting lol